lovelife

Why must love be soooo blind?

About 9 years ago, I was married to a man, who meant everything to me.  (jdk)

But I didn't know how he felt about me.

We were living with his parents, ( due to the fact that my family was all out-of-state).

While we were there, things were said, and done towards me, by his mother, and kid sister.

I don't remember one time, he stuck up for me.

So I always assumed, that his love died for me, and that he didn't care, about me, one way or the other.

So I left, when I left, I left with another man.(jct).

This other man, I had known for 7 years, and I always wanted a relationship with him.

So after almost 2 years of marriage, and with me out of his life, my husband filed for divorce.

I then married the other man.

It has been 8 topsy-turvy years, and it seems like it is all going down hill.

Now after the 9 years away from the before mentioned husband. He has contacted me,via e-mail.

I was surprised to hear from him, but I was glad I did.

The feelings I had, for him, were still there, I never really wanted to leave him in the first place.

But when he contacted me, my marriage was,and still is kinda crappy.

I still talk to the ex-husband on a daily basis, but I believe he is getting mixed signals.

Yes, I would Love to be with him again, but I don't want him to think, that I want to be with him, because my marriage is crappy.

I want to be with him, because I regret leaving him, in the first place.

But no matter, how many times I tell him this, I feel he doesn't believe me.

My mother thinks, that he wants to be with me too, but he is scared that he will get hurt again. He feels that I may walk out on him again.

I have promised him, that I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.People do learn from their mistake, I learned from mine.......

I would like to know how he truly feels, because right now, he just wants to be friends.

I know I have to be patient, and wait and see what the future my hold, but if you know me, I am very impatient.(I think I get that from my dad).

I have been told, that when we were together, We seemed to be very happy. And if we can talk on the phone for hours, and hours, with not really saying alot, but just general talk, that, that is what a relationship should be like.

My present husband, and I have had little to talk about, and we are lacking in a certain department. ( over 1 yr.).

I have been told, by friends, that if it has been so long, that either he is cheating on me, or he is at the age, where it doesn't arouse him, or he may be doing something, somewhere.      Who can say what he does..... Or how he feels..... He never really expresses himself.....

I think that my ex-husband, thinks I want him back, just for sex......

Well I'm not going to deny the fact, that when we were together, that the sex was good, but I'm not after him, just for sex....... UNDERSTAND!!!!!!

Yes, I tease him about it, but that is all it is.....TEASING.....

I would never go through with it, because I'm afraid, that,that would push him out of my life all-together.... Which I don't think I could handle that again.....

There is one other thing, that the ex-husband, could be afraid of.....

While being married to my present husband, I have strayed, (husband doesn't know). But ex-husband does.

My ex-husband, could also be thinking, she cheated on him, who's to say, she won't cheat on me???

My ex-husband, never ever gave me any reasons to cheat on him, never did before, and if we did get back together, I NEVER WILL!!!!!

Well all I can do is wait, and see what fate, and the good LORD, has in store for me.....

I HOPE IT'S WITH THE EX_HUSBAND, because I was happy, with him, and I know he was happy with me.

And I hope we can be happy again, together...............